The New Epidemic
This will be a short one. It will be short, because it’s in essence a complaint, and I don’t want to come across as too obnoxious (though perhaps it’s too late for that—I already have a blog and assume people care to read what I think).
First, for some general observations (aka, veiled secondary complaints) to set the stage for my primary complaint:
When I am standing on a subway platform or sitting in a subway car, at least 85% of the people with me are looking at their phones. This percentage defies demographic divisions. Whatever. As humans, we cannot go a mere minute without entertainment, and not everyone likes reading books.
Humans these days completely lack spatial awareness when walking down the street, both on their own and with others. I’m not a hologram, people. You have to walk around me, not through. Phones make this worse, and so do AirPods (or earbuds of any sort). Be. Aware. When you emerge from the subway, don’t stand at the top of the stairs with your head on a swivel. Ahem.
This is all whatever, stage-setting, as I said. I can huff and puff about the dozens of people demonstrating “text neck” on my daily commute. I can mutter “c’mon people” under my breath when someone decides to make a 180 turn mid stride and assume the rest of us will part the sea. But there is one thing I am on the verge of no longer tolerating (which truly is an idle threat, since I am a fiercely passive person)…
I will let The New York Times word this for me, because they have done it well: “IF YOU LOOK AT YOUR PHONE WHILE WALKING, YOU’RE AN AGENT OF CHAOS.” (Please check out the NYT link I included here—the Japanese study is * chef’s kiss *, the pile of parmesan atop the spaghetti that is my argument.)
I do not give a damn what you are doing on your phone, whose Instagram you are scrolling through, the message you’re responding to, the TikTok you’re watching (or making)—LOOK WHERE YOU ARE GOING. The rest of the world does not bend to accommodate your addiction.
It’s an epidemic, people! And within the last couple of years, it’s been spreading virulently. Humans need to be looking at their phones at all times. Even—and this really gets me for some reason—on the especially fast-moving line at Trader Joe’s. Ma’am, please step forward so I can grab my Rolled Corn Tortilla Chips, Chili and Lime Flavored.
I’ve said it before, but if I were a different person, oooh man… I would be trippin’ folks, yelling in faces, the whole shebang. Instead, when I come face-to-forehead with a phone walker, I do everything in my power to keep to my rightful path and force them to notice me. But, in this modern game of chicken, I am the one laying the eggs. Maybe, just maybe, next time I will allow the inevitable collision, and then I will have a legitimate reason to say, “Hey, watch where you’re going.”
Bottom line: don’t look at your phone while walking. DON’T DO IT. Whatever “it” is can wait. And if it can’t, there’s always the option to step to the side and take care of business before heading back on your way.
That is all.
Happy Father’s Day, if you are a father.
Happy Juneteenth, if you are an American.