Writer’s Block

I don’t know what to write about. Although, I guess that’s immediately no longer true, considering I am here now writing about not knowing what to write about. I’ve found myself recently in a writer’s block on two fronts: this blog, but also when it comes to the novel that I am supposed to be working on. (Apologies to my workshop buddies who as far as I know are meeting without me, because they are ready and I am not.)

I am supposed to be a writer, no? At least, that’s what I tell myself. It’s hard to carve an identity and then fail to upkeep it, because then it becomes impossible to define yourself. Who am I if I am not writing, not doing the thing I pledge to love? What kind of writer am I if I look at a blank page and feel nothing? Or worse, if I look at a blank page and feel anxiety over my inability to fill it up?

To me, writer’s block is an identity crisis. Which puts way too much pressure on me to get over it. But putting way too much pressure on myself is just my MO. Ask my therapist.

One of the problems is that my life is in a sort of stasis right now. When people ask me what’s new, I have nothing to answer them with. Nothing is new. I live in the same apartment, have the same job, am still glaringly single. My life is not great blog fodder. What I am asking myself every day is, how can I make my life great blog fodder? There must be some way. But I digress. I need not act out my quarter-life crisis for all of you readers right now. That’s for my therapist.

In addition to a writer’s block, I’ve been in a runner’s block, recently deciding to suspend my training for my second marathon in favor of my mental health, which is a decision that did not come easily and that I will grapple with every day until November 3rd comes and goes. I’ve come to terms with the fact that certain things I tell myself I am supposed to enjoy just do not fulfill me and in fact do just the opposite. But that’s for another blog post, maybe, if I feel like facing it.

Writer’s block is the worst feeling in the world. That’s an exaggeration, but it comes close. It’s wanting to write and needing to write but being unable to do so for a reason that cannot reveal itself, because once it does, you can remove the block. And writer’s block does not want to be removed. It’s a true clog that no snake can grapple with.

So ha! Take that writer’s block! I’ve written! I’ve unblocked the block and unclogged the clog, at least for now, despite the fact that writer’s block was my subject, which might be cheating the system. This may not have been the longest or most profound blog post, but it is a post nonetheless, which is a tally in my victory column.

This Labor Day weekend, I will plan to tackle the looming behemoth that is my novel, but for now, I will take the small victory. I hope everyone is able to hand themselves small victories once in a while. It’s what keeps us going.